Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Why don't I care?

I don't know why, but it seems I've stopped caring about school. Not suddenly, but very gradually, this last semester. And it's such a shame I should stop caring now, because this is my last year. I only have to take two more exams (today and next week), and it's all done. So why don't I put in some effort and get it done with?
Maybe it's because I've already planned so much for next year. It will finally be something I really  want to study, a new start, all exciting new stuff. Not that I regret my decision of choosing this study, but it's not what I really want to be doing the rest of my life.
And it's not even like the material I have to study is boring or anything. It's actually quite interesting, and the teachers who gave these two courses are two of my favourite ones. The way they can tell stories always made me look forward to their lessons every Friday.
And yet, I don't care. I have an exam in six hours. So what? I've read half of the books we had to learn about, and summarized both them and the rest, and I know the stories. I know the connections. And I hardly studied at all. Maybe that's why I don't care? I feel like I already know everything?
But how can I not study? Third grade courses are supposed to be hard, and the exam is said to be a tough one. Still, no caring. I have to pass these two silly exams, or I won't be able to start my next year at the university, doing something I really like. No caring. I don't want to retake these exams in September, that will be unnecessary waste of this Summer. Error, care not found. And I don't. Know. Why.

Am I frustrated? Maybe. But not really. Scared? Not at all. Do I want to change how I feel, and start caring? I don't even know. All I know is that I'm glad the exams will be over in a week, and then we'll see. Maybe I'll start caring in a few hours, when I'm waiting to go in the classroom and take my exam. Maybe I won't. We'll see what the future brings, because right now, I really have no idea.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

The first chapter of my journey.

Hurray, the adventure has begun!
At a book fair, I found a cheap booklet on how to be a writer. Usually I wouldn't buy a book like that, because they tend to be full of crap. However, when I flipped through this one, it seemed different. It's an honest book, easy to read, and hard to put down. The writer tells her own story about how she became a writer, and gives small exercises to help you express yourself, and get used to writing. The exercises aren't always easy (for example, How could you improve/enrich your "writing self"? Write for ten minutes.), but completing them gives me a lot of joy. The idea of these exercises is to write, write, write, not just think but actually put thought to paper. So even if the exercises themselves don't help much, I'm getting experience in just writing.

One of the exercises is to start a reading and writing club, at a local library or bookshop, for example. At first I was scared, because I generally don't like meeting other people, and certainly not on my own initiative. But then I remembered my best friend, who is also trying to write a book. We have more or less the same taste in books, and often lend books to each other. So as of yesterday, our little book club consists of two people. Yay! We will ask some of our other friends if they'd like to join, but no one we don't know already. This should make things a lot easier, we agreed. 
Of course, exams first... so there's not much we can do until July. But starting this summer, we will meet up every two weeks, discuss a book we've been reading, and do some fun writing exercises. Not too much stress, just experimenting a bit. And if we don't feel like writing, that's no big deal, then we'll just talk about other authors some more.
The first book we will read is A Midsummer Night's Dream. It's one of Shakespeare's works we both haven't read yet (which is a shame!), and starting off with something classic seemed a good way to go. We will read some fantasy (since that's our favourite genre), some classic works (like Shakespeare), and anything else that seems interesting along the way. Not too much of the same thing, but nothing we don't like.

I'm really excited to see how this little experiment will work out. I hope we'll be able to keep it up, but I have a good feeling about it.